Friday, February 11, 2005

A Tribute to the Mustache Man

Today's going to be a bit of a different update, since due to a call to do some emergency substitute bowling, the only basketball that I watched last night was the last 7 minutes of the UWM game. There is something to talk about, though, since once I got home I received an email that astounded me, and was particularly appropriate, seeing as it dealt with bad facial hair and I was returning from a bowling alley.

Now, I don't often get email at the site address. Occassionally a friend will send me something (though most use my real email address), and occasionally another blog proprietor will exchange comments with me for one reason or another. I pretty much figured that other than my friends, and a couple of other guys that like to write about basketball, no one else stops by. Well, I guess I was wrong.

As some of you may remember, last week I had the opportunity to take in the Beloit-Grinnell game on television. During my write-up of this game, in my second point I opted to mock Beloit player Derek Allen and his conspicuous mustache. I'd like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize to Derek for my malicious attack on his facial hair. Last evening I received this email, from Mr. Allen himself (reposted with his permission, of course):

Mr. West,

I was introduced to your blog by one of my other fraternity brothers recently. It seems that my mustache has become a bit of national icon and I felt the need to defend myself against your cheap shot against my facial hair. Many people have been disappointed to find that I usually don't have the sweet porn stache. I grew it especially for the game as a bit of an inside joke. My plan has worked perfectly as about 3/4 of people think I'm serious (which is awesome) and 1/4 of people get the joke and so in this sense I am a cult classic on par with Meatballs. My only regret is that my rec specs did not arrive in time. Also, in an interesting aside, I have been approached by someone in LA about actually doing porn (I shit you not). I'm glad you noticed the sweet porn stache and keep on trucking brother.


So, as it turns out, Derek Allen is not just some fool who's unaware of the fact that mustaches went out about 20 years ago, but in fact, he is a bit of a comic genius. When faced with a rare opportunity to play basketball on national television , how many of us could truly say that we would come up with something as creative and hilarious as wearing a style of facial hair that has not been seen on a basketball court since Richie Farmer played for Kentucky in 1992? I'm mildly angry at myself for not catching on to the gag and needing the prankster to explain it to me, but even so, I can appreciate the genius in this act. Simply astounding. I only wish that the rec specs had come in in time so that tools like me, who still legitimately wear rec specs, could have a role model.

And in the end, I'm not sure what is most entertaining to me in this whole scenario:

1) The mustache joke itself
2) The fact that Mr. Allen ended up reading my comments
3) The fact that someone saw the game on TV and actually thought "Hey, that guy has a mustache--I wonder if he'd like to do porn."

Alas, though Mr. Allen has become a bit of a D-3 basketball celebrity, garnering cheers at various gyms throughout the midwest, he also reports that his coaches are not among fans of his joke, and have drastically reduced his playing time as a result of his stunt. Keep fighting the good fight, though, Derek. I think we all know that the mustache was worth it, and there's always next year, after this thing blows over. After what you've accomplished, you're already one of my heros.


At 10:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a Ripon alum it is hard for me to respect anything that comes out of Beloit, but this is greatest story I've heard in a long time.


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